Matthew 4:21-22 “And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.”

Last week, I read “Dune” and “Ender’s Game,” stories about young boys who are turned into fighting men, leaders, commanders, strategists, heroes, and saviors. These boys end up destroying and deceiving the enemy. They, in their respective ways, entirely annihilate their enemies. Both of these stories were very depressing when you think about what happens and what takes place, about the destruction of the characters.

I then decided to read through the New Testament gospels. I began with the book of Matthew. When I read these verses where Jesus calling the disciples, I felt the urge to just stand up, grab my jacket, put on my shoes and walk outside, and then keep walking. Just leave, go do something. God would take care of me. Then I started thinking about my job. I can’t leave my job. I have college debt to pay. I have my apartment costs to pay, I have things to leave behind now. I felt like the rich young man; I was the rich young man of chapter 19. I had things, I had responsibilities, I had given my word that I would be here in this apartment, that I would make the payments, I would be in this area and this was my new community. I felt horrible.

I am the father in this passage. I am certain that he would have dropped what he was doing and followed Christ as well, but he had responsibilities, he had work, he had taxes and debt, he had a wife, and he could not see a way to do what he wanted and what he felt was needed. The father watched his boys leave and follow a man that he himself wanted to follow, but he was not able to in his mind.

I felt horrible. I was letting my Lord down. I did not know if it was His leading or was it my own desire to emulate, but I felt that I was not being the best follower of Christ that I could. I then was reminded of His great love for me, His great mercies, and His tremendous love. Jesus is above all my feelings. Maybe Zebedee stayed for a reason. Maybe his not following with his sons was a good thing. Maybe it was partly because of his fishing and his staying behind to take care of things that the disciples and Jesus had food, had money to buy necessities or to pay tolls and taxes. Maybe it was because the father stayed behind that Jesus told John the son of Zebedee, the disciple whom Jesus loved to take care of Mary (John 19:26,27). If I let Him down, or not, He still loves me and He is still my Lord, my God, and my Savior.

Yet in all things, Christ is lord. In all instances, Christ is still my Saviour. That I needed to remember. Maybe my thoughts were wrong, Jesus still loves me and I know this because the Bible tells me so. The Bible is a depressing book when we compare ourselves to it. It opens up all sorts of comparisons, and we all fall well short of the mark. I am not an earnest Centurion, I am not any of the John’s. I am not a David or a Solomon. I am a Judas, I am a Jonah, I am a rich young idiot. Yet God still loves me.

Jesus, name above all names
Beautiful Savior, glorious Lord.
Emmanuel, God is with us.
Blessed Redeemer, living Word.