We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.”

2 Corinthians 6:8-10, ESV

I began these thoughts quite some time ago, but never finished them or showed them to others. Now that I’m filling in for Nathan for a time, I bring them out again in hopes they edify you.

A while back, I was reading a classic book on time management, called How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life by Alan Lakein. One of the many good suggestions in the book was to draw up a list of one’s priorities, spending time to think about what’s really important, things that I really wanted to do. In rough order, I came up with

1. To walk with God and do the work He gives me.
2. To love my wife.
3. To raise wise children (which I don’t have yet)
4. To be an excellent, virtuoso programmer.

Not bad goals. Could probably do with some fine-tuning, and I may have missed other important things that should have been included.

But those goals are incomplete. As I thought about the way I actually spend my life as opposed to the way I feel I ought to spend my life, it turns out I have another priority that wars against the others and strives to be first, or at least to be recognized.

I desperately want to be happy. When I look at how I spend my free time, as I play my games and read my books, and probe my motivations for doing so, I do it because I find so much happiness/pleasure in it.

The drive to be happy is a fairly universal one: I think all people share it. Christianity has a mixed reputation regarding happiness: both without and within. Certainly the outside world doesn’t regard Christians as having a great deal of fun: there’s a widespread thought that one should first get in all your fun before committing your life to God, ’cause you aren’t going to have much fun afterward. But we Christians are also conflicted about it. Look at our religious paintings of Jesus and great saints of the past few thousand years: there’s a lot of stern, longsuffering expressions. Very few smiles, grins, or laughs.

As I looked deeper into my heart’s thoughts and feelings toward God, I discovered a deep-seated fear that total submission to God would be the end of fun. That God’s desire for me (if He could get it) was a life of ceaseless toil in furthering His kingdom. For me, the desire to do what is right and the desire to be happy are frequently opposed. Much of that is because my desire to do right has great intentions to spend my life in ceaseless toil for God’s kingdom, and few intentions to spend my life rejoicing.

Satan easily twists a desire to do right into a desire to get things done for God, whether or not God wants things done. He easily tempts the desire for pleasure down any number of destructive/wasteful paths. But the truth is that all the desires of our hearts can only be satisfied in Him. Our desire for work, for purpose, for righteousness finds its satisfaction in Him, as does our longing for joy and for happiness.

Do you truly, truly believe that God is serious in His command to “rejoice in the Lord always”?

One final thought: as we come to God and submit to Him, we must do so without reservations. You cannot attach demands onto your submission, including your happiness. We trust that in Him is the fulfillment of all the desires of our heart, but we must submit to Him whether or not those desires feel fulfilled. It is not a “deal” we are striking with God, where we agree to surrender and He agrees to make us happy. It is an unconditional surrender, trusting in the goodness of the conqueror. And it is perhaps the most frightening experience of life. Particularly as it must be renewed again and again: after all, “the problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar.”

-Dan L.-